In this short video I share a few thoughts about how to take responsibility for the way that you are feeling. Once you own it, you can do something about it.

If you prefer to read, rather than to watch, you’ll find a transcription below. This is an automatically generated transcript so please excuse any errors.

Hi, today I’m going to share with you a very simple yet powerful language pattern that you can start to use today, that is going to help you to be more in control of the way that you feel more of the time.

There’s an old saying, Actually, it’s more than an old saying it’s a piece of wisdom that there are some things in life you can control and some things in life that you can’t control and happiness is knowing the difference.

Now, I think most people would agree with that on an intellectual level, we know that if we try and control the traffic, if we try and control the weather, if we try and control other people’s actions, then we’re going to be in for a rough ride. But knowing that and living it can be two different things. And that difference can be very subtle.

Here’s an example. Saying you’re starting to annoy me is very different from saying, I’m starting to get annoyed by what you’re doing. If I use the words, you’re starting to annoy me, then I’m placing my feelings at the result of your actions.

If, however, I say, I’m starting to get annoyed by what you’re doing, then I’m taking responsibility for the way that I feel. And once I do that, I can do something about it, I can choose to ignore you, I can choose to just remind myself that it’s not that important anyway.

Now, that is a very subtle difference. But it is the difference that will make the difference in the way that you feel.

When you start to think about it. If I say you’re starting to annoy me, what I’m really saying is, I want to change the way that I feel, and I need you to do something different. And thinking back to where we started with this. There are some things in life, you can control some things that that you can’t, and other people’s actions is one of those things that you can’t control.

The way to generalize this is to look out for times that you’re blaming other people or situations for the way that you feel, and then just switch things around. If you find yourself saying x really annoys me change it to be I’m getting really annoyed by x.

So this heavy traffic is starting to annoy me becomes I’m getting annoyed by the heavy traffic. And then the logical follow on from that is “what would help me to stay calm?”

Or, I really started to get wound up by her constant interruptions. And once again, that’s blaming the other person for my emotional state. If I’ve changed that, too, she interrupts people a lot. And I find myself getting wound up by that, how can I learn to get my point across without me getting wound up about it? It’s a very different thing.

Now as soon as you begin to take 100% responsibility for the way that you feel, you find that you were you are more in control of the way that you feel more of the time, and it becomes easier to let other people’s actions and the traffic and the weather to just wash over you. And when you do that your experience of life becomes a better one.