I made a huge mistake in my coaching recently
Perhaps I should keep quiet about it. It can’t be good for business to go shouting about it.
But it is the honest thing to do.
A client asked me if we could reschedule a coaching call. While I try to keep our times regular as much as possible I recognise that their world doesn’t revolve around me, so agreed.
The only time that we could both make was Friday at 4pm.
That gave me a dilemma. I have a rule that I don’t coach on a Friday afternoon. In fact I avoid coaching on Fridays as much as possible. If I do then it’s only in the morning.
The reason is very simple. Coaching takes a lot out of me and by the end of the week I’m tired. When I’m tired it’s very hard to give my best. My clients deserve, and always get my best.
Except not on that day. I agreed to Friday at 4pm even though my gut said no.
I was tired and not fully focused and I didn’t give my best. We both left the call feeling a little frustrated.
I have a simple philosophy when selecting companies who I work with. Don’t try to find companies who don’t make mistakes. They don’t exits. Find companies who put things right, with no fuss, when they do. I try to live by that from both sides.
I called my client and apologised. I explained that I had broken my own rule and that while I did it to try to help them, it was the wrong thing to do. Of course they didn’t pay for the coaching call.
Luckily for me this was someone who I’ve known for a long time and we have built a lot of trust with. They were very magnanimous and accepted the apology and even said let’s put it down to neither of us having a good day that day.
We rescheduled. Not as soon as either of us would have liked but it turned out to be one of the most impactful sessions that we’ve ever done.
I created the ‘no coaching on a Friday afternoon’ rule because it seemed like a good idea. I now have concrete proof of why it’s not a good idea, and what happens if I go against my own better judgement.
It won’t happen again.
Why am I telling you this?
In a word – honesty.
If you’ve seen my posts in the past you might have seen that from time-to-time I post testimonials. I like to tell you when I get things right. I thought that the honest, and balanced, approach would be to tell you when I don’t.
I fully believe that I get it right most of the time, but clearly I’m not perfect. I hope no one expects me to be as I wouldn’t like to disappoint.
Stop comparing yourself to others, it will steal your joy!
Yep, that old chestnut again.
There’s a gazillion books, blogs and YouTube vids out there preaching the same thing: “Why comparing yourself is bad” and “Be content, stop comparing.”
Sure, it sounds nice, and it’s the kind of general advice that sells , but how true is it?
What about those athletes who thrive on comparison? They use it to fuel their motivation, to push themselves beyond limits.
And what about those who look at others succeeding and think, “I want a piece of that too”? They’re inspired to better themselves, to achieve greatness.
In certain cases, comparing yourself to others should be encouraged. Let me give you a couple of pointers:
Compare yourself to people you truly admire (and make sure what you see is authentic, not some made-up story).
Be mindful of the story you’re telling yourself. If you’re constantly feeling inadequate and inferior, then yeah, those “don’t compare” folks might have a point.
But here’s the deal: if comparison fires you up, if it motivates you to climb higher, then go for it. Embrace it fully.
You could say that’s the problem with personal development. It lacks personalization.
Give me a shout if you’d like to have a conversation about how I can help you to navigate through all the contradicting advice and make your personal development truly personal.
Would you like me to get rid of your self-doubt and imposter syndrome for you?
Sorry I can’t, and neither can anyone else (except you)
My favorite book of all time is called Change your Questions Change your Life. It’s all there in the title.
The reason most people don’t get what they want in life is because they ask poor quality questions.
A couple of universal truths for you.
Universal truth #1 , if you want to get better answers you have to start by asking better questions.
Universal truth #2, you cannot solve an internal problem by looking for an external solution.
Universal truth #3, your thinking process is as unique as your fingerprints.
I saw a linkedIn post recently with the subject “business owners, how do you stop self doubt affecting your life?”
That is an example of a bad question that will get a bad answer.
Self doubt is an internal problem, asking other people for help is looking for an external solution.
The best they can tell you is a bit about how their their thought process works. It’s like trying to put someone else’s key in your lock. It’s never going to open the door.
The only way to phrase that question that can lead to a meaningful answer is: how can I stop self doubt affecting my life?
Notice the subtle change from “you” to “I” and “my.”
That is the only way to get to an answer that works.
There are problems though. There are a few common things that will get in the way.
Problem 1. When you ask yourself questions it’s not like you get the answer spoken out loud to you. It’s whispered in the back of your mind.
It’s called listening to your inner wisdom. Most people either don’t know how to listen to it, or there is so much noise going on in their brain the they can’t hear it.
Listening to your own thoughts in this way is s skill. A new skill involves learning and practice.
Problem 2. It’s possible that you genuinely don’t know the answer.
Same thing still applies though, no one can give you the answer, you’ve got to figure it out. The problem is that many people don’t trust in their ability to figure things out and give up too early.
I believe that you can figure it out, even if you don’t yet.
Your mind is the most powerful, and intelligent, computer on the planet, yet no one ever gave you a user manual. Maybe it even feels sometimes like you don’t even know where the ON button is.
Your mind is a very powerful servant, but a very poor master. Give me a shout if you’d like to know more about how you take back control.